How Should a Person Treat His Parents?
كيف يجب أن نعامل الوالدين؟
How should a person treat his parents?
The answer teaches three duties toward parents: no hurtful word but gentle speech, kind and merciful treatment with care for their affairs, needs, and commands, and special honor in old age, citing Al-Isra 17:23-24, where even uff is forbidden and the child prays: my Lord, have mercy on them as they raised me when I was small.
1. Kindness and Gentle Speech
They should not say words that are hurtful; instead, they should speak to them kindly. Even expressing mild frustration or annoyance is strictly prohibited. One must carefully choose their words to ensure they are full of respect and gentleness.
2. Looking After Their Needs
Actions must accompany good words. One must treat them with kindness and mercy, actively look after their needs, and obey them out of respect. It is a religious duty to serve them physically and financially to make their lives comfortable.
3. Special Care in Old Age
This compassion becomes even more critical as time passes. We must serve them especially as they grow older and become more vulnerable. Allah explicitly commands us to pray for them constantly.
Allah Almighty says: (For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them even ugh, nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully. And be humble with them out of mercy, and pray, "My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.") Surah Al Isra 17: 23 to 24.
Note: The words and speak to them a noble word, at the end of Al-Isra 17:23, were missing from the Arabic quotation in the original answer and have been restored from the Quran.
كيف يجب أن نعامل الوالدين؟
يعلمنا الجواب ثلاثة واجبات نحو الوالدين: ألا نقول لهما كلاما جارحا بل كلمة لطيفة، وأن نعاملهما بلطف ورحمة ونقوم على شؤونهما وحوائجهما ونطيع أمرهما، وأن نخصهما بالتقدير في الكبر، مستدلا بآيتي الإسراء 17:23-24.
عدم قول كلام جارح
أن لا نقول لهما كلام جارح وأن نقول لهم كلمة لطيفة. فحتى التعبير البسيط عن الانزعاج ممنوع تماما. ويجب على المرء أن يختار كلماته بعناية لضمان امتلائها بالاحترام والرقة.
القيام على شؤونهم
ويجب أن نعاملهم بلطف ورحمة والقيام على شؤونهم وقضاء حوائجهم وطاعة أمرهم. إن خدمتهم جسديا وماليا وجعل حياتهم مريحة هو واجب ديني عظيم.
الرعاية خاصة في الكبر
وذلك تقديرا واحتراما لهما خاصة عندما يصبحان كبيري السن وأكثر ضعفا. يأمرنا الله صراحة بالدعاء لهما وتذكر تضحياتهما.
قال الله تعالى: (وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا (٢٣) وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا (٢٤)) الإسراء 17: 23 إلى 24.
ملاحظة: سقط من نص الآية في الجواب الأصلي قوله تعالى في آخر الآية (وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا) (الإسراء 17:23)، فأعيد من المصحف.
1. Not Even Uff | ولا التأفيف
Ibn Kathir explains: do not let them hear a bad word from you, not even uff, which is the lowest degree of bad speech; nor scold them, meaning let no ugly act come from you toward them, as Ata said: do not shake your hand at your parents. Having forbidden ugly speech and acts, Allah commanded good speech and acts: speak to them a noble word, gentle, good, and kind, with courtesy, respect, and honor (Al-Isra 17:23).
قال ابن كثير: "(فلا تقل لهما أف) أي لا تسمعهما قولا سيئا حتى ولا التأفيف الذي هو أدنى مراتب القول السيئ (ولا تنهرهما) أي ولا يصدر منك إليهما فعل قبيح"، وقال: "ولما نهاه عن القول القبيح والفعل القبيح أمره بالقول الحسن والفعل الحسن فقال (وقل لهما قولا كريما) أي لينا طيبا حسنا بتأدب وتوقير وتعظيم".
2. Loss for One Who Has Elderly Parents | رغم أنف من أدرك أبويه
The Prophet said: May his nose be rubbed in dust, then may his nose be rubbed in dust, then may his nose be rubbed in dust. It was asked: Who, O Messenger of Allah? He said: One who finds his parents in old age, one or both of them, and does not enter Paradise (Sahih Muslim 2551). Serving parents in their old age, as the answer stresses, is a road to Paradise.
قال النبي ﷺ: "رغم أنف ثم رغم أنف ثم رغم أنف"، قيل: من يا رسول الله؟ قال: "من أدرك أبويه عند الكبر أحدهما أو كليهما فلم يدخل الجنة" (صحيح مسلم 2551).
3. Your Mother, Then Your Mother | أمك ثم أمك
A man asked: O Messenger of Allah, who most deserves my good companionship? He said: Your mother. He asked: Then who? He said: Your mother. Then who? Your mother. Then who? Then your father (Sahih al-Bukhari 5971).
جاء رجل إلى رسول الله ﷺ فقال: "يا رسول الله من أحق بحسن صحابتي؟ قال: أمك. قال: ثم من؟ قال: أمك. قال: ثم من؟ قال: أمك. قال: ثم من؟ قال: ثم أبوك" (صحيح البخاري 5971).
Frequently Asked Questions | الأسئلة الشائعة
How should a Muslim treat his parents?
The answer says: never with a hurtful word but with gentle speech, with kindness, mercy, and care for their needs, and with special honor in their old age (Al-Isra 17:23-24).
What does not even saying uff mean?
Ibn Kathir explains uff as the lowest degree of bad speech; if even that is forbidden, every harsher word or act is forbidden.
Who deserves my good companionship most?
The Prophet said: your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father (Sahih al-Bukhari 5971).
Is disobeying parents a major sin?
Yes. The Prophet named it among the greatest of the major sins, after associating partners with Allah (Sahih al-Bukhari 5976).